4 posts tagged “andy wong”
I'm home with a migraine that feels like a midget is repeatedly smashing me in the face with a hammer, while his other midget cronies are laughing at me and singing the Cardigan's "Lovefool" in a weird mockery sort of Castrati way. Crazy, I know. I'm sure you've felt this before too [although, variance on the song is likely because we all have different tastes in music].
Lemme tell you of a little beverage I enjoyed on Monday. See if your local shop can whip it up for ya. I'm sure they could. It only requires ingredients typically found already in a coffee shop. Those ingredients are:
- Half and Half Cream
- Espresso
- Honey
Don't jump ahead.
We were visited by some friends this weekend. In typical "WANG" fashion, we took them to our favorite spots, some of which other Redunkers have been. There was one place we took them that was virginal to anyone visiting [of which we know]. A little place called "Hi Hat Coffee." It's built into an old...and I mean OLD...gas station from the 40s. They roast their own beans, and do a good job of it too. The hitch is that it's small. Really small. Small enough to where I was afraid I might have to go to the bathroom before entering...after all, I had just eaten. Seriously, there's one table in the place, with 3 chairs. [the pic to the right was taken around Christmastime]
There is a drink, called the "Bam Bam." It's 2 shots of espresso, a small drizzle of honey, then topped with steamed half & half. Essentially, it's a Caffe Breve with honey. There's something magical about the marriage of honey and espresso. It gets me tingly inside, kinda like when you're about to go over a hill on a roller coaster. Or kinda like when you know your next BM is going to be a doozy. You get me.
If you can, specify that they add the honey after the espresso and before the cream. Also, you can get it without the cream if you're watching your waistline. Or you can not give a crap, and do what I do. I ordered mine with a total of 4 shots, because I lack hair on my chest. You figure it out. [be cautious ordering this at places that have communist influences...you know what I'm talking about.]
Bottom line, I guess, is to go to your local flavor, and have them construct it for you. It's not hard. And don't refer to it as the "bam bam" as they may look at you with confusion [or hate, if you went to a communist cafe...you know what I'm talking about].
I need to get off this thing. My eyes feel like weak grapes being squished between someone's dirty Chuck Taylor and cold pavement.
-Andy
[editor's notes: It's late, I'm tired, and suffering with migraine, hence the midget and poop references. Sorry.
"WANG" is my nickname for myself. I use it in the following contexts:
- Self admiration: "Wang is awesome."
- Self deprecatoin: "Dang it, Wang!"
Remember my last experience?
Apparently, I didn't. Well, I did...but maybe it was the influence of the nitewang, my alter-twitter-ego that on occasion, takes over my wit when I'm sleep deprived from working at night.
Anyhoooooo....
It was 2 degrees outside this morning when I left work for home. 2. Two. To. Too.
[those last two don't count as numerical values...just driving a point, jerks.]
I needed to warm up my car, but to sit in the car that cold is nearly scandalous. So, I opted to get something hot to warm my bones, while the internal combustion engine warmed...itself in my car. The only coffee available to me is this "Black Coffee Lounge" that is literally, outside of the parking garage.
I went.
*sigh*
I went in, to find 3 pots of coffee on the counter, ready to delve out what should be delicious bean nectar. Only one struck my eye. The Festivus blend. I kinda chuckled to myself, wondering if the coffee tasted like an aluminum pole.
I said to the gal behind the counter that for some reason, looked as if she was still awake from the last time I saw her a few weeks back [likely due to the excessive drug use that is keeping her awake. Or a superpower. Who the crap knows?], "Say...what is this 'Festivus' blend? Is it like a light roast?"
"Oh no!" she said with some holiday crappy cheer. "It's a regular coffee flavored with..."
[are you even ready for this?]
"...chocolate, peppermint, vanilla, hazelnut, and cinnamon."
I seriously wanted to ask if they always serve hot cups of horse puke, but instead...my holiday cheery rebuttal was "Um...do you have anything...normal?"
I got their regular house dark roast. Not horrible..but I can't imagine the horror that the Festivus would've brought on. It would have been a Festivus miracle if I could've stomached it.
Come to think of it, I should have expressed my feats of strength to the 'coffee girl', but only after I gave an airing of grievances.
Idiots.
OR: HOW TO BE TENACIOUS ENOUGH TO GET YOU WHAT YOU WANT.
It's a know fact, bleaders [blog readers] that the Eastern Magellan Fighting Monkey will do what it wants to get what it wants. An 8 year study by Blaize Goodall [Jane's Cousin] revealed that the Eastern Magellan Fighting Monkey will perch itself on the nesting branch of another tribal monkey's home, and screech incessantly until the squatter gives up said branch for the screecher. In one study, the monkey screeched, without regard to itself, for a full 4 days. It went without food, water, or sleep. After it screeched it's neighbor out of the coveted bough, the monkey then commandeered the nest only to die of exhaustion hours later. But it's not only the nests that the Eastern Maellan Fighting Monkey covets.
Other things include:
- mates [only the non-life partner ones...they aren't adulteress]
- meals [consisting of berries, bugs, and feces]
- prime water hole drinking spots
Just yesterday, Angie [my beloved bride] received a package in the mail. In this package, was a Christmas gift intended for me. I asked if I could have it upon delivery, seeing how it is intended for me to have anyway. I suggested that time isn't relevant. She said no. I asked again. She said no. This monkey-style exchange went on for about the next 24 hours. This is where evolution slipped up: She's not giving in to my tenacious screeching. Instead, she looks at me with the 'look'. You know the 'look'. It's the one that says "Seriously, Jack...if you keep this crap up, I'm going to slit your throat in the middle of the night, eBay your stupid gift, then buy myself some awesome Legos."
We've all seen that look.
I've let up a bit. I still have 21 days to go, in hopes that maybe...just maybe she'll give in to my screeching.
[editor's note: There is no such thing as an Eastern Magellan Fighting Monkey. Also there is no known information about Jane Goodall's relatives. She might have a cousin...one named Blaize is unlikely. Also, Andy Wong is a creationist. He just used that whole evolution mumbo jumbo to drive a point that he wants his Christmas gifts now, dang it! He also calls evolution mumbo jumbo. That, friends, will not be discussed here. He is well versed in cosmological arguments and has a college education in quantum mechanics {true}. It's what makes him 'redunk'. Also, Angie still won't let me have my gift early. Seriously.]
*Please play twice through, for some strange reason the first time plays just a few frames, twice lets you actually see it.*
