Redunk Review: Taken (A Crap)
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Taken was written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen and directed by Pierre Morel. It stars Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace (Remember the hot yet annoying blond chick from the first season of Lost?) The always gorgeous Famke Janssen and some other French dudes that no one really knows. It scored a 55% on Rotten Tomatoes T-Meter, a 40% from Top Critics and a 91% from the mindless RT Community.
First let me start off by saying that I thought this movie sucked. I saw it about 3 or 4 weeks before it hit theaters in the U.S. I was immediately glad that I didn't stand in line and waste $10 on it. I rated it 20% on Rotten Tomoatoes.
Now before a flame war begins and you swear at Redunk and pillage the servers, I will say that the fight sequences were awesome. I'm pretty sure that's how Liam Neeson would really act if someone kidnapped his daughter. He takes no prisoners and leaves no one for the ambulance, just the Coroner. He romps all over France beating the crap out of everyone he even thinks is connected and leaves a trail of bodies. Good stuff. However, that was all I liked about the whole film, and even that was being generous.
This movie was a total rip off of The Bourne Identity as well as many other kill-baddies-all-over-Europe-because-I'm-an-ex-spy movie. It takes every cliché from that genre and capitalizes on it. In fact, its almost entirely written off clichés. On top of the awful clichés, it seemed that everyone was told as soon as they walked on set, "Forget what you know about good acting. It will not exist in this film. Seriously, act like this is your 5th grade Christmas play." Even Liam, who is awesome, acted as if he was only there because he owed someone a favor. A big one.
All in all, the story was weak, forced and overplayed. The dialogue was laughable, the acting was pathetic and the daughter ran wierd. I seriously thought something was wrong with her. Other than than dudes getting their faces punched in, I was genuinely board.
Here's a quick recap:
Warning: There be spoilers ahead (but honestly, there's not much left to spoil)
"I'm so emo, 'cause I was a typical Spy/Father and didn't spend enough time with my family because I was to busy saving America and my wife left me, even though she knew better. Oh well, I quit all that 5 years too late so I can be poor and live close by my daughter and ex-wife who married a typical rich guy."
"Its my daughters birthday, I'll spend all of $15.00 dollars on a karaoke machine that was made for an eight year old even though she's seventeen."
"Oh goody, she likes it, because she has this fantasy that she's going to be a pop star still someday. I'm glad my whiny ex-wife was able to see that... ah crap, the super-rich step-dad bought her a horse and she now could care less about my half-hearted gift."
"Hmm, I've been offered a body guard job protecting some high class pop-star, I should ask her if she'll see my daughter.
"Oh noes, some guy was classically waiting to stab the pop-star! Good thing I'm so awesome! I'll hospitalize this idiot and rescue the star. Me FTW."
"My daughter wants to go to France? No ways, I know how things roll there. I have premonition. Well... since she's thrown such a spoiled fit, I'll let her, so long as she takes my super secret spy phone"
"Crap, my premonition was right, hopefully the bad guy will pick up the phone so I can say some awesome, bone-chilling phrase to him that will be used on posters and later on in the movie."
"Time to meet up with a guy that I'm pretty sure will back-stab me because he's greedy and I'm an idiot."
*Beat-downs, death and violence ensue*
"I've killed everyone with no repercussions and found my daughter, I'm the man again! I'll just casually fly back with her to the States earning the respect of my ex and her new husband."
"To top it all off, since shes not the least bit traumatized about being held captive by sex-traffickers, I'll take her to the pop-star that I saved earlier so she can say some formulated cliche line"
Teh End!
Now, perhaps this wasn't the best written review, and perhaps you think I'm a moron because you really liked it. Well, good thing I don't care. This is my opinion and you are more than welcome to be wrong with yours.
Taken was written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen and directed by Pierre Morel. It stars Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace (Remember the hot yet annoying blond chick from the first season of Lost?) The always gorgeous Famke Janssen and some other French dudes that no one really knows. It scored a 55% on Rotten Tomatoes T-Meter, a 40% from Top Critics and a 91% from the mindless RT Community.
First let me start off by saying that I thought this movie sucked. I saw it about 3 or 4 weeks before it hit theaters in the U.S. I was immediately glad that I didn't stand in line and waste $10 on it. I rated it 20% on Rotten Tomoatoes.
This movie was a total rip off of The Bourne Identity as well as many other kill-baddies-all-over-Europe-because-I'm-an-ex-spy movie. It takes every cliché from that genre and capitalizes on it. In fact, its almost entirely written off clichés. On top of the awful clichés, it seemed that everyone was told as soon as they walked on set, "Forget what you know about good acting. It will not exist in this film. Seriously, act like this is your 5th grade Christmas play." Even Liam, who is awesome, acted as if he was only there because he owed someone a favor. A big one.
All in all, the story was weak, forced and overplayed. The dialogue was laughable, the acting was pathetic and the daughter ran wierd. I seriously thought something was wrong with her. Other than than dudes getting their faces punched in, I was genuinely board.
Here's a quick recap:
Warning: There be spoilers ahead (but honestly, there's not much left to spoil)
"I'm so emo, 'cause I was a typical Spy/Father and didn't spend enough time with my family because I was to busy saving America and my wife left me, even though she knew better. Oh well, I quit all that 5 years too late so I can be poor and live close by my daughter and ex-wife who married a typical rich guy."
"Its my daughters birthday, I'll spend all of $15.00 dollars on a karaoke machine that was made for an eight year old even though she's seventeen."
"Oh goody, she likes it, because she has this fantasy that she's going to be a pop star still someday. I'm glad my whiny ex-wife was able to see that... ah crap, the super-rich step-dad bought her a horse and she now could care less about my half-hearted gift."
"Hmm, I've been offered a body guard job protecting some high class pop-star, I should ask her if she'll see my daughter.
"Oh noes, some guy was classically waiting to stab the pop-star! Good thing I'm so awesome! I'll hospitalize this idiot and rescue the star. Me FTW."
"My daughter wants to go to France? No ways, I know how things roll there. I have premonition. Well... since she's thrown such a spoiled fit, I'll let her, so long as she takes my super secret spy phone"
"Crap, my premonition was right, hopefully the bad guy will pick up the phone so I can say some awesome, bone-chilling phrase to him that will be used on posters and later on in the movie."
"Time to meet up with a guy that I'm pretty sure will back-stab me because he's greedy and I'm an idiot."
*Beat-downs, death and violence ensue*
"I've killed everyone with no repercussions and found my daughter, I'm the man again! I'll just casually fly back with her to the States earning the respect of my ex and her new husband."
"To top it all off, since shes not the least bit traumatized about being held captive by sex-traffickers, I'll take her to the pop-star that I saved earlier so she can say some formulated cliche line"
Teh End!
Now, perhaps this wasn't the best written review, and perhaps you think I'm a moron because you really liked it. Well, good thing I don't care. This is my opinion and you are more than welcome to be wrong with yours.
Comments
I was amused.
Although, I feel the need to say that I could personally barely even make it through the previews I saw of this movie months and months and months ago.
Didn't you see this coming?
Hey now, we are all allowed at least one fail.
I'm sure you have one too, although I can't seem to think of one at this moment.