Millions of Years of Evolution Can't be Wrong
OR: HOW TO BE TENACIOUS ENOUGH TO GET YOU WHAT YOU WANT.
It's a know fact, bleaders [blog readers] that the Eastern Magellan Fighting Monkey will do what it wants to get what it wants. An 8 year study by Blaize Goodall [Jane's Cousin] revealed that the Eastern Magellan Fighting Monkey will perch itself on the nesting branch of another tribal monkey's home, and screech incessantly until the squatter gives up said branch for the screecher. In one study, the monkey screeched, without regard to itself, for a full 4 days. It went without food, water, or sleep. After it screeched it's neighbor out of the coveted bough, the monkey then commandeered the nest only to die of exhaustion hours later. But it's not only the nests that the Eastern Maellan Fighting Monkey covets.
Other things include:
- mates [only the non-life partner ones...they aren't adulteress]
- meals [consisting of berries, bugs, and feces]
- prime water hole drinking spots
Just yesterday, Angie [my beloved bride] received a package in the mail. In this package, was a Christmas gift intended for me. I asked if I could have it upon delivery, seeing how it is intended for me to have anyway. I suggested that time isn't relevant. She said no. I asked again. She said no. This monkey-style exchange went on for about the next 24 hours. This is where evolution slipped up: She's not giving in to my tenacious screeching. Instead, she looks at me with the 'look'. You know the 'look'. It's the one that says "Seriously, Jack...if you keep this crap up, I'm going to slit your throat in the middle of the night, eBay your stupid gift, then buy myself some awesome Legos."
We've all seen that look.
I've let up a bit. I still have 21 days to go, in hopes that maybe...just maybe she'll give in to my screeching.
[editor's note: There is no such thing as an Eastern Magellan Fighting Monkey. Also there is no known information about Jane Goodall's relatives. She might have a cousin...one named Blaize is unlikely. Also, Andy Wong is a creationist. He just used that whole evolution mumbo jumbo to drive a point that he wants his Christmas gifts now, dang it! He also calls evolution mumbo jumbo. That, friends, will not be discussed here. He is well versed in cosmological arguments and has a college education in quantum mechanics {true}. It's what makes him 'redunk'. Also, Angie still won't let me have my gift early. Seriously.]
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