Cookie Monster - An Email Conversation
The following is an actual email conversation that took place today regarding a box of cookies left in my office. These cookies were intended to be delivered to Whiz Kids, which is similar to a Big Brother, Big Sister program.
On Dec 8, 2008, at 2:03 PM, Lawrence Neisent wrote:
Please be advised Mrs. Marsh:
One Lawrence & Tracy Neisent dutifully presented the assigned items to be transported responsibly for the Whiz Kids Christmas party. Once on the premises one Shawn McEntyre, now referred to as the cookie monster, began eating said cookies. There are cookie remains in the cookie monster's office but the portion size has diminished substantially.
Blessings and please advise if you would like for me to provide further assistance in attempting to get the munchable items past cookie monster with additional efforts of provision.
Cc: cookie monster
Pastor Lawrence Neisent
On Dec 8, 2008, at 2:23 PM, Shawn Mcentyre wrote:
Dear Mrs. Marsh:
It is with deep regret that I have to inform you that one Lawrence Neisent purposely left said cookies on my premises whilst trying to fire projectiles at my person with what is known as a "Nerf Gun". These cookies were looked at by those persons habitating the premises as a form of apology for earlier stated actions.
There were four cookies accounted for that were consumed by myself and one Scott K. Guthrie, although the actual count consumed may be much more as many have access to the premises where said cookies are located. A suspect in the case of the unaccounted missing cookies is that of Nathan Davis. Although he may deny this accusation or may even be innocent. One cannot rule out one Joshua Sharpe as well.
It is my hope that true justice can be initiated. There are hungry children that were forgotten for the purpose of what is known as "covering ones own butt".
Cc: Lawrence Neisent
Shawn McEntyre
On Dec 8, 2008, at 2:58 PM, Jennifer Marsh wrote:
Dear Mr. Neisent and Mr. McEntyre:
I am writing in regards to the case of the missing cookies that occurred on December 8th, 2008 in the Destiny Christian Center offices. It is my understanding that Nathan Davis and Joshua Sharpe have not been on the premises for most of the day. As for Scott K. Guthrie, I cannot be certain of his whereabouts or his actions.
As for the attack, Mr. McEntyre, you will have to be very aware of your surroundings. I have heard of many complaints of attacks and crazy circumstances at that office complex. As for Lawrence Neisent, one should not leave cookies in range of hungry people.
I have decided in this case that neither party is responsible and so the case is thrown out.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Jennifer Marsh
On Dec 8, 2008, at 3:11 PM, Lawrence Neisent wrote:
Dear Mrs. Marsh:
You are most gracious even though you have offered a very suspiciously false accusation against my most merited character with the insinuation that I might have anything to do with these heinous crimes of crazy attacks. I'll keep a most watchful attitude in efforts to try to discover the culprit responsible for such behaviors.
Pastor Lawrence Neisent
On Dec 8, 2008, at 3:29 PM, Shawn Mcentyre wrote:
Dear Mr. Neisent and Mrs. Jennifer Marsh:
Thank you for helping mend this situation.
As far as the crazy attacks that were stated earlier, I must say that I'm not sure I feel entirely safe in my own office with this mysterious culprit running free. Just earlier today whist my back was turned a pack of OSU branded chewing gum was fired at my person from the doorway to my office. When I turned to see who had done this heinous crime, there was no one. I searched the office complex diligently but came up short.
I have full confidence in my leadership that this act of terror will be stopped, and the culprit brought to justice.
Cc: Lawrence Neisent
Addendum: It was not the attack by way of packaged gum that upset me, it was the OSU (Oklahoma State University) branded packaging. I believe the color red is much more appropriate over the solid orange. However, I have digressed.
Shawn McEntyre
On Dec 8, 2008, at 3:39 PM, Lawrence Neisent wrote:
To whom it may concern:
I would definitely have to agree that the OU colors indeed are much more fitting to heinous, blind and senseless attacks as this is the attitude of most OU fans. It has been quite to my astonishment to see just how infantile these OU fans can behave. If you live in Oklahoma then it's only the deeply confused and demonically distracted that would not be able to root for other Oklahoma teams.
I might also add that the majority of these asinine individuals who hold this particular attitude have not even attended school at the University of Oklahoma. As a graduate and fan of OSU I'm delighted to support both OU and OSU during the entire season. Then when the bedlam is taking place I certainly will be rooting for the team that is not so "upity" in their attitude and liberal on their campus. God bless you.
Pastor Lawrence Neisent
On Dec 8, 2008, at 4:02 PM, Jennifer Marsh wrote:
Dear Mr. McEntyre,
I, too, have been a witness of these heinous crimes. It did not start today with the cookies, but has been going on for quite some time. At one point in my career, I was scared for my life and the contents on my computer, that I would have to lock my computer down with a password just to use the restroom or go to lunch.
I strongly disagree with Mr. Neisent in the statement that it has to do with color. How awful is it to blame acts of violence on color. Red or Orange-we are all the same. Hopefully God will help Mr. Neisent before he crosses a line.
Jennifer Marsh
On Dec 8, 2008, at 4:03 PM, Lawrence Neisent wrote:
Why it always have to be a color thing?!?
